Dear Emeline,

I’ve been trying to form a sentence to describe what I’m feeling when I look at you, but I just can’t do it.

To be honest I was never one of those women who had one goal in life and that was to be a mother. I even used to say that I didn’t want children, or to get married. The first time I really wanted to have kids was when I met your dad. I told him early on, before we even were officially a couple, that I wanted to have kids, a house and a white picked fence with him. I hope to be able to give you the last two things before you get too old

I wasn’t even in a hurry to become a mom when we first decided to try to get pregnant. Yes, I did freak out when I got my period the third time after I stopped taking the pill, mostly cause I was almost certain that I was barren and was destined to be a crazy dog lady dressing her dogs up and talking to them as they were human. (Wait, I do that already…), but also because my biological clock was ticking so loud I couldn’t hear anything else.

But then a Sunday morning in April everything changed. Cause suddenly you weren’t just a “maybe”, you were there! A little shrimp-like creature, soon to be a baby. And I say soon cause it feels like just a month ago my mom was crying on webcam when I showed her the pregnancy test.

I love just watching you while you sleep. And I love you even more when you make those quirky faces that makes you look like an old man, and when you make that weird noise that sounds like a cross between a dolphin and a cough.

So, what I’m trying to say… When I look at you I just feel so blessed to be your mom, to be a mom, and to feel the kind of love I never could understand when my mom tried to explain how she felt about me and my sister. It is indescribable. And it’s bliss. And it’s kind of like a crush. And then nothing like that either.

Happy 1 month, baby girl!

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